I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
