apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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