just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
