At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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