marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
