so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I don't deserve a penis
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
