Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
