my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize