I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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