I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
