Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There are leaves in my underwear?
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