not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
