ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
