He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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