So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
