The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
