neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can I color on your dick again?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
