I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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