Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Randomize
