Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
this boner is exhausting
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
