White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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