Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
