Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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