I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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