Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
No I am not eating basil off your cock
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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