If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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