First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
