so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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