i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
