I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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