Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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