How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
