i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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