are you still at the devil's house?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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