I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
