I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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