sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize