"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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