A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
