You're completely useless in the revolution.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
