I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
