he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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