I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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