i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Randomize
