anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
