The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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