Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I still have a little drunk in my system
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
