i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
