At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize