I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
