After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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