I think I won the penis lottery.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
