i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
