3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
