So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
We need to get me chipped asap
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
