Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
