Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
