I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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