I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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