Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
