First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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