I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
